FUTURE with a story of a girl....

Do u know who are u going to become? Do u? Did u ever think that having no interest in future will make u pathetic? Pathetic, but why? So what will u do? Where will u run?
I mean rigth now we are kids, we live life fullest without any regret. We do things that we won't do when we'll be more mature. But what will happen when that time will fly away......

Once there was a girl who was friends with many people
She liked her friends and liked what she did
SASMIT WAS HERE
Her parents didn't really like how she spend her precious time, and she kept getting in trouble.
Still that girl liked her friends and wanted to stay with them forever.
As she lived days and days she thought about future and how will everything will go on.
After the year will be done, people will GO and others will come.
The girl thought she should be sad, about people that will go.
But as time passed, she understood that she should live life fullest.
Fullest to THE max, and have no regrets
EVERYTHING IS JUST BEGINNING!

In class

Sooooo I'm in my Jag time right now, have nothing to do, so I decided to update my blog, I know Calvin would be happy, and others will enjoy my grammar, (like Tiff, Vy-Anh and Sam)XD. So I didn't really had an amazing spring break. The only fun things I did were: go to Jojo's house for movie night, Jason's demo at Fairfax HS, Kings Dominion V.I.P passe and that's all. So it was pretty boring, except that I got to meet new people :]. But this week was amazing. First I was escaping the tennis practices and instead went somewhere else. Almost everyday we went to piano lab, were we would fool around, then Vincent would drop us to places on his car. The fun day was, when we (Sam, Vincent, me, Jason, Jansen and this college guy) went to SUNFLOWER restaurant. AMAZING XD. Everything was in sunflowers, but I got yelled at by Jason, because I was hopping on the chair, so much fun :D. The weird part was when we were going in car with 4 people in the back of the vincent car. It was Jason, Jansen, me and Sam on top of us. XD XD XD XD XD. Sam's butt was near me, so whenever there was music she would wiggle her butt, and it was too weird for me. I understand why, because music was playing. So on the way back I decided to switch and sit in the middle far away from Sam butt. So it was Jason, me, Jansen and Sam on top. Somehow for weird reasons Sam's butt was now next to my belly, so when she started dancing again, she wiggggggled her butt.....ahhhhhhgggrrr :]

Who are we? Why do we do it?

So many things are actually happening now, but I can't describe any. I'll just talk my way through it:

First of all, some people are getting on my last nerves. I never hide things that I want to be hear ed, if I do it'll drive me nuts ( broken Calvins nuts (T-Shirt) , haha that was funny ). I guess people who hold those things in themselves, gets really frustrated fast and their mood goes down for a long while. I just like to scream things out or share it will those whom I trust. I learned that tip from tennis. After loosing to my dad I get so mad, so I just scream out loud on tennis court, and believe me u'll feel so much better. Never keep your emotions in u, it'll do no good.

Second I hate people that want to go out with friends but then decide not to if someone they like is not coming. It takes time to organize something new, but there are sometimes spoilers. I just really feel sorry for them not having their own I. Being yourself is what u need to survive in this pathetic world (I'll explain later). Loosing I, is worst that can happen. People will start disrespecting you. I really don't want to be one of them, and I feel sorry for who is already IT.

Third world is pathetic. We all deserve to die ( from Sweeny Tood). Seeing what is happening now is making me feel irritated. In Japan they created invisible metal dryer, fridge, toaster. They also made a human size Robt, that already killed someone. Just imagine soon our life would be technology. I really wish I'd been born in 16th century, where people actually spend time wisely. I already know future. People will keep creating things till inventing something that can destroy all of us. We all deserve to die. We can't even survive without technology, people inventing digital books like those big touch phones as new generation of books, so we can save trees. That's just mad, I hate new technology. that's why I still use regular erriction phone without touch screen. I really hate new technology.

I may seem nice but not many people see my bad side. I know I get really aggressive when anyone dares to call out on my parents. I even stood up on black man age 30ish when he was cursing my dad, I stood in the middle between my dad and that man and cursed him from head to toe ( i don't even think I knew those words :D) Anyways at end my dad called police and they took him out. There are probably other bad sides of me, but I didn't see them myself first XD.

So that's all for today, I still hope my friends will take time to think how much friends mean to them and imagine life alone in college without them, because we wont take same path.....

Day I want to remember

Was I happy? Was it just my dream? No no no wake up! It was real!

This is the nicest day I spend. First of all gender-bender? I wore Jansen pants and belt, thanks God I asked for one. It took me a while of course to buckle it up (2 min). Also I wore Calvin shirt. It was medium and I look like blow up, hehe still I liked it: D. I was so comfortable in those clothes I never wanted to take them off. Somehow guys things don't have to be tight. Girls’ things are fit in (mostly) style, so it's so hard to breath in them. Now I hope some guys realize how impossible it for girl to wear things cloth. Wait. What I'm talking about? I should stop.

After that thing we stayed after school and took group photo. I will remember this day for a long time, because it's in yearbook now: D. After that we went to Toms house. Patu was willing to give us a haircut. But only Vincent and Tom got it. Me, Calvin and Jasun will get it on Thursday, probably. Anyways after we came to Tom house we decided to wash jeans. So me, Sam, Calvin and Tom (he did it for a while) took off our jeans and walked in boxers. Mine were orange with XOXO, Sam & Tom plaid, Calvin with dogs, and they were extra short (Tom was totally hitting on Calvin). We still wore our tops, line shirts. I and Sam later decided to make an adventure to trash, in out boxers. Tom didn't let us go at first but we sneaked out. But later he didn't want to let us in and it was cold. After that I watched House Bunny, Calvin started watching later. Well then we all walked home.

I know that's a waste of what I wrote, but I really want to remember this day, later when I'll be reading over those posts in college and remembering you guys. I'll miss You so much.

Love, hate, depression.

Sorry I didn't write Posts for so long - 5 days. For me it's such a long time. Sometimes I had all that negative energy around me that could be used in writing but instead I did my homework ( haha such nerd ). Anyways this post is about parents, my dislikes.



First of all, don't u hate when parent tell you that they are paying for living and you got to follow them? My dad was telling me same thing on Saturday. As always I didn't say anything, just cried while was eating. I'm so tiered of that. But later he came to my room and started telling me jokes about how he tries to make a better person of me and so on. Why don't parents understand that we are capable of things we do? Why keep bugging us about things we hate. They see it but still do same things. It's just so frustrating. Also I wish my parents (DAD) wasn't races.



Don't you hate when person doesn't respect himself? Letting be called (slut)? Letting yourself be lower than others. Just regular. Without any pride. It's one thing that makes me so grr... I would never let someone call me bad thing even joking. Fob is ok, because its nothing serious but (dick) as Jansen called me once, I was so mad that I could just curse him from head to toes. But I hate showing that I'm weak also sometimes ( I also hate cursing ). Anyways I have respect to myself, and I won't loose it.



Another love story that one of my friends asked me about.

Today I was looking at Seventeen and saw familiar face. It was Sho. Exact face, eyes, hairstyle. It all started last summer. Summer school. I met him thought my friend Yafet. He is Japanese, my first Japanese friend. Junior and goes to Marshall HS. So I did like him a lot in the begging, but I wasn't only one. Another girl also wanted him, I could see it. I just let her do what she wants, it's his choose to choose. So at the end of the summer school we all went to Tysoon. Me, Sho, Yafet and Christine. That time me and Show were holding hands while watching movie, but we didn't let others see it, like secret romance. He was first who grabbed my hand and hold it through the entire movie. After that we went to movies for at least 4 more times. And that last time he tried to kiss me, but I didn't. He was sad. Later he asked me out. I said no, sorry Sho. And them to prom. And I said no to that too. I don't even know why. Guess was too scared. Well that was my love story. P/S the guy to the right (with bangs) looks exactly as him.



I wrote it here because Anna gave me hint that I could read it 10 years later and cry remembering.

Love, and finding it

Ok, I just woke up, slept mostly whole 3 hours;D I guess I'll be hyper whole night. My dad brought my report card and I have all A's except B in that ... French class. Anyways me and Anna are going too get A's in French this and next quarter :]

So there is a lot of drama (queen) in our group. I'm not going to mention the names, people know who they are. And really weird thing about Jansen and his secret crush, I tried asking his good friend but he didn't tell me:[ Still I hope Jansen will find who ever he is looking for. he is so determined. So the thing that I think love is....

I think the world is a fairy tale. There are no bad ends, but only good. I guess I got that meaning of life, because my first love started perfectly. I liked the boy in Russia and we liked each other for at least 6 month, but he asked me only after 6 month (estimate) he didn't want to rush things and didn't want to waste time. It's still felt like childish prince and princess fairy tale to me, I didn't take it seriously. So we happily went out for about 3 years or 4, I forgot. We almost didn't had any fights. And I still didn't get a first kiss from him, even when I left. By the stories, don't prince gives a kiss to princess? I knew he wanted to kiss me but my friend was with me so he didn't. Sad. And it was the last day I saw him.
In here I went out twice, but I broke up with them after 2 days, because they were rushing. I hate people like that. Anyways, love is the thing that should be treasured. You get to look for it ur life, but you can end up looking for it forever. Don't waste time doing that. High School is for experiencing the thing about love. I guess I don't even have a lot to talk about in this topic, because I'm still a kid. I want to stay kid. I hate growing up...

And I also feel bad if anyone had a bad day, and I ignored them. I still try to make up by telling that life is not a sucker, people( the normal ones) will still think you is you:]. Haha I'm not making sense to me. Inspiration came from Jansen and Tiff and Sam and .......

Leaving or staying?

OK, I guess this is the best time for me to write a new post. Sitting at night when everyone asleep, on my laptop, listening music (my inspiration, and because of that I make bunch of silly mistakes 8D) So the problem I want to talk about is, Leaving or staying. Vy-Anh knows what I'm writing about wink wink:]

So imagine you came to this absolute different country (please be some Asian). U are new. No one knows you. You don't know anyone. Feel lonely, but then someone comes to you and starts talking. You talk back. Laugh. Giggle.(that never happens thou) And now you understand that you found someone who is willing to be Ur friend ( I'm saying that from my point of view, it always been like that to me). As time passes by you get to know everything about that person. You hang out, but after a while you get to know all the mysteries about him. It's gets boring. Same activities. Same face. Same everything! It's just drives you nuts. There are two kind of people: those who stay same and those who wants more! Many people that I know (Vy-Anh, Sam, Tiff, Anna, Me....) are in the second group. Making new friends is fun you get to know stuff ( see I spelled it right now :]) about them. So even if you get an idea, that moving would be the only thing that will help. It's useless. So you'll live 4-5 years in different place, meet different people, get bored again. And then what run again? If you fell that it's getting boring, just scream it out and make difference yourself. I know that if someone will start, people will continue.


So I made up my mind, it must come to an end (the bye-bye leaving part)
Look at me now, will I ever learn? (Its hard for me to understand, friends are forever)
Mamma mia, here I go again (OMG)
My my, how can I resist you? (there are no boys...shh..)
Mamma mia, does it show again? (do people see I'm sad again)
My my, just how much Ive missed you (I missed u all)(friends)
Yes, Ive been brokenhearted (well not like emo broken )

It's something I watched today. God they have so many song...kill me now :]

The Real mE

There are so many things about I want to write, but one thing sure I love to write my blogs with the music in my ears. It makes me think even deeper...

People are different, some show all their emotions in every day life, while others hide them away from others and sometimes themselves. I don't know where I fit. Where would be the right place for me to fit in? What character should I choose to feel more secure? All those questions pope ( I hope I spelled it rigth 8D ) in my head once a while. I try to show what really I am outside in the world, but as you read my blog, there are things that I try just not too mention.
I'm a really hyper person. Once Anna told me that she even thinks that I'm high or somethings. One things that will not ever happen to me. Doing drugs or getting drunk, that grosses me out. I guess because there are just some things that I consider DAME DESU　だめです。I'm not that kind of the person who will do what you ask me to. One thing that I'm confused about myself is my loving and begging part.
As the love part, I fall for people really fast. Once I fell for you I can fall back or block the feelings really fast. It's just I don't want to wait for centuries for you to ask me out.(You doesn't refer to anyone who reads my blog, I wouldn't even know who reads my blog^_^) It's just as nature, a butterfly stays in it's cocoon for a while, but then it grows and grows and finally escapes somewhere far. As the butterfly grows my feelings get sucked in more and more. One moment they just fly away so far that its hard to reach that butterfly again.
As if begging part. I just hate begging people to do what I want them to do. Once I remember I was begging my mom to let me go to Tiff house. At the end when she let me I started crying so much. I couldn't stop myself from crying, at the same time I couldn't understand what is happening to me. Was it just that I was happy? Or is it that I feel miserable when I ask for something so much and then get it? I just really don't like that part of me.

Things that make me happy, is chocolate or something sweet. I remember days when I was little girl. When my mom got home with something sweet I used to hide under the night table and eat it by myself, not sharing with others:D. Of course I changed, but sometimes when I get something tasty I think about how should I eat it myself, but in the end I just share it. Oh my, now I feel like going to Tiff house and eating all her candies 8D.

I'll wrap it up, but I'll add some lyrics of my favourite song - Boys Before Flowers MV: Because I Am Stupid (Korean Version)

I'm happy even to be looking at your back
You still don't know how I feel
In the end you still go past me
In the days when I miss you very much
The days when I suffered pain
"I love you " is buzzing in my mouth
Crying for you a lot yet again

Those are just lyrics that I find sad, in that part of the lyrics I cried a lot, yet again. P.S those lyrics don't refer to me or any one else and they sound much better in Korean :D

New pages

So this is the first blog that I created in my life. The inspiration came from Anna. From Vy-Anh blog I learned that life is not long, and there are responsibilities. And Tiff blog showed me that you can talk to someone who is not talking to you at that same moment.

My past in Falls Church at 9hh grade is sad, every time I remember it, I fell that I just lost a part of my life for nothing. Tenth grade would be the same if I hadn't met people I'm friends with now. That turned me upside down and made me think how lucky I am to find someone(s) who are carrying and help each others in their own way. I'm not going to name them all, because what if I forget someone, I would feel terrible. Some people may say weird staff, like why Russian girl is hanging out with Asians. I even had a boy come up to me at Vietnames Celebrating and ask me if I was Asian, or what race am I. I asked the same question myself so many times. Why do I do it? It's similar to the story I read in Seventeen. A girl was questioning herself why wasn't she born a boy. She wrote that "I fell like my soul got mixed up with the body". At the end mother of the girl accepted the nature, and help with all she can to help her daughter/son. I fell kind of same way, it's like I was suppose to be born Asian but I just got wrong body. Ever since I went to first grade my best friends were Chinese/Korean kids. People who I hang out back then were also Asian, except my boyfriend. I'm planning on leaving America after I graduate and live in Japan/Korea. This country is only for education, but I don't understand why can't we go to Asia and study there? I guess because what my parents can't learn language any more. That makes me fell sad. Still I'll get where I want no matter. It's just easy for me to lean different languages. OK I'll just wrap it up. I'm bad at begging something, but see me continue.....

P.S I had to rewrite it 3 times so I don't think I did a god job, my first draft was best, but it deleted itself.